I could never figure this one out - though I should, seriously, not complain :). I mean, it could be that I should be loved because I gave birth to both of them and it really does not matter whether they come out through the birth canal, via forceps or the C-section. I am MUM and MUMs are supposed to be these serene, smiling, sweet-smelling and self-sacrificial beings, right? Ha ha. Well, no.
I should not speak for all mums...but err, I am fascinated that the bond that I share with my two lovely gals is non-negotiable. I love them - for better and for worse and I can fathom that my love is unconditional even at my most detached moments. But then again I am extremely cranky when they are at their worst. I have a short fuse when it comes to childish and child-like behaviour - though on the surface, I can continue to keep cool and calm. Then, the tension beneath the surface creates cracks that showcase the crazed crankiness. Maybe, that's the problem. I may be confusing my gals! By the time they figure out that I am really upset, they have deteriorated from angelic sweetness to impish annoyance and then to devilish rascals. There are times when I have it all sorted out. My briefings work because I am vigilant and have worked out the consequences for bad behaviour and communicated these to them. It works when there is a session to put the agreement to the test before the bid day itself. Sad to say, despite all my best intentions, they surprise me at times and I feel unprepared. What could have prepared me for my Ashwini dipping her fingers into my sister's drink - unannounced and totally without reason? Ashwini learnt a lesson about boundaries and consideration that day - through a ticking off in front of her cousins by an outraged sister and a private discussion with me. There are other days when I am simply without patience and I could have conducted myself more appropriately. I have instead nagged, berated and smacked my daughters. Their tears always wring my heart but my face retains its scowl because I am so mad with them.
Yet, in all their innocence, they know that I am far from perfect and they love me the way I am. Do I deserve this? I should. I do (I am telling myself this). After all, most, if not all, decisions that I make are centred around them. I don't do the physical stuff because I conserve my energy for my work, which I love and from where I energise and learn to be a better mum. Teaching has taught me the most about families because I have seen hundreds pass through my way and they all show me how essential bonds with parents are. They teach me what they love and hate about their parents and what the consequences are for the love and hate that they harbour in their hearts. Even the teenager who claims he hates his parent, says so because he is utterly disappointed in being rejected by the parent in some way.
Yes, even children know how to love their parents unconditionally. We parents must also strive to deserve that love and keep that going. A child that is happy to acknowledge that love publicly is blessed and so is the mum or dad who is happy to hear it and return that love - multi fold.
My daughters love me and yes, I love them more than the world :)
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
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About My Little Family
I have three beautiful children who mean the world to me - Ashwini (13), Mira (11) and Dev (5).
Ashwini is an amazing gal. She is a 'thinker' - through and through. She started talking and walking early - before she turned one. She has an impressive vocabulary and is very observant, has a great sense of spatial awareness (she's a walking compass and rarely gets lost) and has a rational way of looking at things (even what she watches on the TV). She showers me with so much love that it makes me feel guilty for not being with her enough. (I wish she could shower her sister with half of that affection she bestows on me. But with sibling rivalry as an unavoidable reality at five years of age, that's asking for the world.)
Ashwini is a busy child with an assortment of learning to juggle - swimming, gym, speech & drama and Tamil language. She has just given up piano and is considering Bharatanatyam (I'm not sure if she's going to take to that but if she does, we'll need to make let something else go 'cos it's the parents who cannot cope!) Of these, she loves speech & drama the most, followed by gym and swimming. Like all other children, she prefers less structure and would rather play at the pool than learn from an instructor! No guesses for what she rather not do:)
Mira is another bundle of joy who arrived in 2005 and I really wanted my second one to bring that extra to the family - the sense of completion - and companionship for Ashwini. And we could never have been more prepared. Armed with an independent spirit, charm and intelligence (as well as a slippery presence) as her arsenal, she has gotten into and out of trouble with sweet innocence. Our and Ashwini's life is indeed more complete - with all her little contributions to life - from stokng the fire to playing with fire and extinguishing the fire. Mira is one highly provocative, communicative and relational child. Mira's first learning will involve swimming, i.e., starting with getting to know water. The rest will be underway.
Dev, (Hari Dev as he is officially named), is the latest addition to the family. A milk guzzler, he's adorable and fun to get to know :) He loves singing and it does not matter what language it is - English, Malayalam, Tamil, Hindi and Chinese. He will pronounce sounds the way he 'hears' them but the tunes will be discernible. It's time he gets some vocal training, and yes, some swimming too cos he believes he can swim!
Ashwini is an amazing gal. She is a 'thinker' - through and through. She started talking and walking early - before she turned one. She has an impressive vocabulary and is very observant, has a great sense of spatial awareness (she's a walking compass and rarely gets lost) and has a rational way of looking at things (even what she watches on the TV). She showers me with so much love that it makes me feel guilty for not being with her enough. (I wish she could shower her sister with half of that affection she bestows on me. But with sibling rivalry as an unavoidable reality at five years of age, that's asking for the world.)
Ashwini is a busy child with an assortment of learning to juggle - swimming, gym, speech & drama and Tamil language. She has just given up piano and is considering Bharatanatyam (I'm not sure if she's going to take to that but if she does, we'll need to make let something else go 'cos it's the parents who cannot cope!) Of these, she loves speech & drama the most, followed by gym and swimming. Like all other children, she prefers less structure and would rather play at the pool than learn from an instructor! No guesses for what she rather not do:)
Mira is another bundle of joy who arrived in 2005 and I really wanted my second one to bring that extra to the family - the sense of completion - and companionship for Ashwini. And we could never have been more prepared. Armed with an independent spirit, charm and intelligence (as well as a slippery presence) as her arsenal, she has gotten into and out of trouble with sweet innocence. Our and Ashwini's life is indeed more complete - with all her little contributions to life - from stokng the fire to playing with fire and extinguishing the fire. Mira is one highly provocative, communicative and relational child. Mira's first learning will involve swimming, i.e., starting with getting to know water. The rest will be underway.
Dev, (Hari Dev as he is officially named), is the latest addition to the family. A milk guzzler, he's adorable and fun to get to know :) He loves singing and it does not matter what language it is - English, Malayalam, Tamil, Hindi and Chinese. He will pronounce sounds the way he 'hears' them but the tunes will be discernible. It's time he gets some vocal training, and yes, some swimming too cos he believes he can swim!
Mum & Dad's Big Day
Wedding at Shivagiri 26 October 1966
My mum's family
Growing up in Vettoor, Varkala
About My Extended Family
Extended Family:
Most of my first extended family are in India.
My mother, Jija Bhai, is one of two daughters and one of eight children (yes, she has six brothers!) born to the late Madhavan and Lecthimy in Varkala, Kerala (S.India). The names of their children are in this order: (1)Balaji (passed on), (2)Rajaji, (3)Lalaji, (4)Rajan Babu (passed on), (5)Jija Bhai, (6)Anandha Bhai, (7)Sasi (works in Abu Dhabi) and (8)Chandran. All of my mother's siblings are married with families who in a general way of speaking, are still living in India. And I have many, many cousins whose names I hope to spell out in a family tree one day. I heard from Mummy that it was my second uncle, known as Manian Maaman who gave me my name.
My late father, Sathiya Sidhan (or Sathyaseelan as he was named; one of those things about inaccurate records), was the eldest of TEN children of Damodharan and Bhageerathy. Two of his brothers are in Singapore - Sambhasivan and Susheelan - married with two children each. The rest of his family are in India with the exception of my grandparents who have passed on.
My current extended family are all n Singapore.
My sister, Shanthi, is married to Murali who is an editor. Tara and Raul are their children and share a special bond with Ashwini and Mira. Tara and Ashwini are almost like sisters, having spent their early childhood in my mother's home when my sister and I were working in the day. Leena married Rajendran. They are the favourite Kukumma (oops! Elaiamma as Leena insists that she be termed) and Uncle of the all our children. There's some magic in the air each time they come by, and we are just happy to receive them.
Most of my first extended family are in India.
My mother, Jija Bhai, is one of two daughters and one of eight children (yes, she has six brothers!) born to the late Madhavan and Lecthimy in Varkala, Kerala (S.India). The names of their children are in this order: (1)Balaji (passed on), (2)Rajaji, (3)Lalaji, (4)Rajan Babu (passed on), (5)Jija Bhai, (6)Anandha Bhai, (7)Sasi (works in Abu Dhabi) and (8)Chandran. All of my mother's siblings are married with families who in a general way of speaking, are still living in India. And I have many, many cousins whose names I hope to spell out in a family tree one day. I heard from Mummy that it was my second uncle, known as Manian Maaman who gave me my name.
My late father, Sathiya Sidhan (or Sathyaseelan as he was named; one of those things about inaccurate records), was the eldest of TEN children of Damodharan and Bhageerathy. Two of his brothers are in Singapore - Sambhasivan and Susheelan - married with two children each. The rest of his family are in India with the exception of my grandparents who have passed on.
My current extended family are all n Singapore.
My sister, Shanthi, is married to Murali who is an editor. Tara and Raul are their children and share a special bond with Ashwini and Mira. Tara and Ashwini are almost like sisters, having spent their early childhood in my mother's home when my sister and I were working in the day. Leena married Rajendran. They are the favourite Kukumma (oops! Elaiamma as Leena insists that she be termed) and Uncle of the all our children. There's some magic in the air each time they come by, and we are just happy to receive them.