Change is a Challenging Constant

On 18 November, Ashwini and I went to the primary school that she was going to be enrolled in. On our way there, I was wondering if Ashu would be OK, when her buddy brings her off to meet her form class and teacher - separated from me. Ashu was, of course, briefed by me on the way there.

As we walked up the steps leading to the school foyer, where the registration was held, Ashu clasped my hand tightly. I squeezed her hand back and smiled. I had butterflies in my stomach and I was not sure what I was nervous about.

We went through the programme - Ashu with her new teacher and classmates in the classroom and I, with the rest of the parents, at the Principal's talk in the School Hall. Soon, it was all over. Ashu was with me, buying her school uniform, T-shirts and shorts, school bag, books order, etc. There were forms to fill in as well. I fumbled through some of the procedures like a student enrolling for a new course of study. I was surprised at myself. Yes, change brings about some degree of anxiety. But there was also the excitement of the future. Despite the initial jitters, Ashu and I were exuberant, soaking in the feeling of new-ness together.

When Ashu got home, this was reinforced by her gentle but serious quip that she would no longer be watching Playhouse Disney. The channel did not befit her new found P1 status. She relegated the kid channel as something only 3-year-olds like Mira should watch. Wearing her school uniform, and looking a picture of studiousness, Ashu settled down at the sofa. She clicked on the TV with the remote control again and with a solemn air, scanned the channels until she came to Animal Planet.

I must say she was indeed taking very well to her future... :)

"I'd rather be a could - be if I cannot be an are; because a could - be is a maybe who is reaching for a star, I'd rather be a has - been than a might - have - been, by far; for a might have - been has never been, but a has was once an are." Milton Berle

P1 Registration and Going Toothless

On 29 July 2008, Sreeni & I took leave and went to the prospective primary school we had in mind for Ashwini. We were going to register Ashwini there for her Primary school education in 2009. Just a stone's throw away, we were confident that she will have no problems enrolling there as we were living within 1km of the school and there were no HDB flats within sight.

As expected, we were told about 3 days later that there was no balloting for those living within 1 km. That's a relief!

Then came the next phase of growing up. Ashwini's bottom tooth fell out - on 12 August 2008. My dear daughter had brought home her tooth in a clear plastic bag and it was a moment of celebration - a mark of the beginning of another lap of childhood and my baby has indeed become a little girl now :)

From Black HYUNDAI Matrix to Amethyst Gray NISSAN Latio

Well, well, well. Cars, cars, cars. I had promised myself that I'll stay put with the Matrix for the whole ten years but what do you know, I'm a hopeless brat. Heard so much about COE going down and such and the car prices were dropping and then curiosity turned into temptation and temptation into want/'need'.

So I'm getting the NISSAN Latio in the Amethyst Gray shade that I had been coveting.

Of all things, the colour was the most heart wrenching decision I felt I had to make but I managed to get the last Amethyst Gray that TAN CHONG MOTOR SALES Pte Ltd had in their stockpile - not before a number of examinations of existing models on display and not before checking through the collection warehouse adjoining the main showroom and some switching of colours and discussions on the pros and cons of red, black and amethyst. In the end, the interior's going to be beige instead of the easier-to-maintain black, but that's OK. I'll probably change the car again a few years down the road, right? I mean, I'm Singaporean now - quite truly. BTW, successful at the first bidding for COE, I'm told that my car might just be ready by the end of next week!

Even in my blissful state, I must say that a part of me is yearning for more. How else can I comment on my pragmatic acceptance that the Nissan LATIO will do for now? After all, it was the RENAULT SCENIC that really caught my eye: it's aesthetically superior and spacious without being overwhelming. Too expensive for a second car. No, let's be practical - at least for now.

And yes, with the Latio's keyless technology, I'm looking forward to a fumble-free lifestyle. I can see Sreeni smiling and nodding at that. Ha Ha.

Night of Storytelling & Swensons

Last night, we were at Bt Panjang Plaza.

Someone from the Community Library had contacted me last Wednesday about a session of stoytelling cum craft and fun on Friday evening at 7pm. Admission was free and the target audience were children from the age of four. I had figured that Ashwini would love to attend the session. Since Mira was not yet four and (technically) could not be attending the session, I thought I'd just spend some alone time with her - read some books or do some window shopping. I only hoped that she would not be disappointed. In any case, both girls would welcome the change from going home directly after I'd have picked them up from childcare.

Last evening, when we reached the Library, I directed the girls towards the story-telling room where many other children were waiting for the person-in-charge to usher them in. Some already removed their shoes and were waiting for the signal to enter. I looked around wondering if I could ask someone in charge if Mira could enter the room as well sine my dear toddler looked quite determined to follow Ashwini in. Well, I did not have to wonder long.

Mira simply removed her shoes and looked determined to walk in with Ashwini. The Librarian was reluctant at first but then had a change of heart when she saw that Mira appeared quite independent and comfortable. I had full faith in my fiery little tot. She stayed there for an hour with the older kids, quite happy. It also helped that Ashwini's K2-mate, Yasmin, was there too with her cousin.

Later on, Ashwini reported that Mira had some trouble during the card-making session. The Librarian had picked the best cards for display. Ashwini's matter-of-fact quip was that Mira could not accept the fact that her cardmaking was not good enough (both Ashwini's and Mira's cards were not picked) but that we all have to "accept it" i.e., accept our limitations and move on. That's a life lesson, folks!

"We have to accept it." Ashwini (5 yrs)

Sreeni joined us at Swensons - a natural choice since (besides the fact that we would be served) there was enough variety to answer to the range of dietry preferences. When the girls saw him, they greeted him with a resounding 'Daddy!' that turned all startled heads at the restaurant and had Sreeni and I wishing that we could just vanish into thin air. Ashwini's gave him a peck on the cheek, talking loudly as usual and Mira even climbed over the table to get onto his lap. When the waitress came over to take the order, Mira, reached out, touched her hand and stroking it, asked in a sugar-coated voice, 'Can I have ice-cream?' The young momentarily bewildered waitress burst out laughing and looked at me in amusement. Sreeni and I simply shook our heads - half in answer to her unspoken question, and half in genuine speechlessness.

After taking our dinner orders, the smiling waitress left us - at the mercy of our daughters' company. It seemed like forever before and after dinner arrived. Then as usual, Mira had trouble sitting down. She was off the chair, whenever she could. After a point (between taking bites of her food), she was walking around, smiling gregariously at the other customers in the restaurant. Most of them were amused and I was hoping that they would stay amused.

Well, the rest of the eating experience went on in a similar way, with occasional 'breaks' for Sreeni and I and with occasional 'shocks' as well. Thank God, Ashwini's outgrown her restlessness. Now how many months would it be before Mira starts to sit down quietly? Hmm....

I needed to tell myself that we must let go and simply enjoy the craziness. After all, it really will not be long before the two get 'too serious'.

Across our table, I saw a very attractive teenager who was, for the most part, keeping silent as her family of adults and two very young children were talking. The teenager was a student in the school that I teach in. Having had glimpses into her less restrained self at school, I know that she can be more animated in her world of friends and work. She caught my eye and smiled at me - momentarily - in recognition. Throughout our dinner with the kids, I could not help but look at her way now and then. She would exchange words with the older lady next to her but would avert her eyes from the main exchanges at the table in a way that was becoming more and more familiar to me; the normality about the gestures suggested the potential 'separatedness' between the worlds of the many teens and their families that I have seen at restaurants here.

Separation is inevitable, painful yet necessary and may even be healthy but should not be a cold cut. It sparks the beginning of the break into adulthood and individualism.

I wondered about the kind of relationship I wanted between both my girls and me during their teenage. Will I be let into their worlds, as they willingly let me into theirs now?

Well, spend more time with them. That's what they want from me and Sreeni now...

Hot Stuff - Sleep on It

I realise that I seem to get restless when my head is not feeling too good (I have a headache and mild fever now) and then reflective (because I just need to shake myself out of this mood). I must be nuts but here goes...

Well, I just went and viewed Vara's blog and it's so beautiful. I'm so inspired because after reading and then laughing over one of her recollections and posting a comment, I looked at mine and saw the potential for my own blog - and the immense pleasure it's going to bring me whenever I come back to read my own reflections.

Today is the last day of a week of highs and lows - in terms of my body temperature. No, it's not PMS. It's my body crying out to rest! Sleep! I've been up in the wee hours of the night, marking my students' work at a pace slower than the snail that came in last. And it's pathetic. Who am trying to kid? I can't possibly work any faster when I need the rest?

And in futile over-confidence, I've been staying up marking and nodding off, drinking coffee -till 6.00 am. By then, it'd be time to get ready for school. And no wonder I've been slowing down more than ever. I go to school, like a half-zombie, glower at every teenager whose hair is out of place and then leave at 6.00 pm, pick up the kids from childcare, interact with them in my less-than-fun self, then try to listen to hubby (I have to, right? I mean, this is the man I love and married. But you can imagine what we end up talking about? Work - and sometimes, the kids, and then there is world affairs. We're doing OK but we should take some time to smell the roses - together). After some talking, it's that uphill task of getting my kids to bed. And they don't want to sleep! And all the time before they sleep and as I coax them to sleep, while at home, at the back of my mind, is that nagging feeling that I have scripts to mark. I would then reassure myself that I can get up at 2.00 am and start work all over again - after catching a few winks next to my kids (from 10.00 pm to 2.00 am or 3.00 am or 4.30 am and so on...) I manage every other night, to mark some scripts while nodding off. Insane? Absolutely. Am I going to continue doing this? Err. I hope not. There's got to be a better way.

I thought about this silly vicious pattern that I had gotten into. After some rest, I finally got rid of that blurry feeling somewhere around or was it within the deep recesses of my head? Dunno. Anyway, I rested this week every time the fever went up - except for doing some urgent chores that would have affected someone else's plans at work. So I finally feel better after a long time and my spirits are higher too.

Well, I've taken stock of the situation and change is going to be underway...

No to Swimming & Yes to Pizza-making

On the evening of Day 3 of the March holidays, Ashwini & Mira were supposed to start swimming lessons at the pool below our unit. But lo and behold, there was rain, thunder and lightning. We postponed the swimming appointment.

Hey, that's OK. Instead, Ashwini & I decided that we'll just spend the evening making pizza.

As this was our first attempt at pizza-making in our brand new oven, great care needed to be exercised. First, it was mummy's job to prepare all the ingredients and of course, Ashwini's to watch over Mira, and occasionally feed herself and Mira with some of the de-boned honey glazed chicken that I was filling up on the plate at the kitchen counter. (Meanwhile, my maid, Priya was helping with opening the can of pineapple chunks, washing of the mushrooms, etc.) When the ready-made pizza dough base was finally spread with pasta sauce, Ashwini and Mira joined me for the fun part: the art of filling the pizza base with an assortment of ingredients - from chicken to onions, to mushrooms to ham to pineapple chunks. Then, there was the last-minute checking of instructions on the temperature setting and tining for pizza-making. All the experience of novice!

The result? Well, we baked TWO yummy pizzas! How's that for a first attempt in rainy weather? Heavenly... (especially when Sreeni helped himself to at least three large slices! He even gave me tips on how to do better. By the way, Sreeni is a cooking genius who doesn't cook unless he must. I was really flattered.)

(Note: On Day 2 of Vacation, Mira's fever hit 40.2 degrees Celsius. I was not amused but she was OK after sometime. Ashwini stayed home too - so that we could all take a break from school! )

Holidays

It's funny how when the long-awaited holidays arrive, one starts to feel completely washed out! To make matters worse (well, not so bad, really), Mira woke up with a bad chesty cough. She seemed feverish too but the doc confirmed her OK at 37.2C. And kids are fabulous. Despite everything, they remain energetic and cheerful - at least at three years old, they do.

Guess what? I decided to spend the day with my dear Mira . After the visit to the doctor and after dropping off Sreeni's thumb drive at his office (I thought I'll offer to help out with some wifely affection. Such opportunities decrease when the vacation's up!), as well as a few hours of doing nothing in particular, Mira and I napped together (I daresay she found my usually-engaged motherly presence next to her very comforting and vice-versa). Those two hours of slumber were really therapeutic. I'm feeling a whole lot better.

Half an hour to myself is indeed a luxury. I think I hear Mira and she's sounds like she is back with a vengeance. Time to stop the posting and get Mira ready - to drive over and pick up sweet Ashwini from school. And that's most of the day blissfully over ;)

Finally - MY Blog

This is more exciting than I thought. With endless possibilities, I now have another outlet for that which I keep within and that which I forget. This must be a wonderful way to archive my thoughts as they begin to challenge my memory (I am hitting the big FOUR-O this year).