It happens in all families. However, comparisons are less avoidable when siblings are of the same gender or when the age gap between them is smaller. And that's because the pressure of measuring up is even greater.
Fortunately, our love for each other as sisters have always tempered triggers for rivalry. Admittedly, there were moments of uncertainty - usually a result of the not-ill-intentioned but careless quip from someone around (our parents, in particular). Perhaps being girls, (not arguably the more mature of the sexes), we were able to keep things in perspective as we grew up. What induced comfort despite unwelcome triggers was the fact that the three of us were intensely loyal to each other for a number of reasons. For one, we were collectively united against the strict upbringing that was sometimes a 'pain' in the butt - literally. For now, let's just say that it helps to have a common enemy in one or both of your parents! LOL. This was in spite of the fact that we also loved our parents dearly and would not tolerate disrespect to them. Women are walking contradictions and models of humanity :)
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| Ashwini, Mira and ME :) |
Well, how has all this prepared me for mothering two girls without prejudice against the other? I cannot remember the number of friends who were curious to know if I have a favourite. Well, the same question in interesting variations come from my daugthers - sometimes in insinuating statements.
How can I be accused of favouritism? There were some friends who told me that parents WILL have a favourite. I cannot agree.
I love both of of my daughters - equally. They evoke the same gush of feeling from my heart - albeit at different times of the day and sometimes at the same time, when they are together and angelic. Given the fact that they were not born concurrently, my elder one, Ashwini, occasionally reminisces the times when she was the centre of her parents' life and contrasts that now, when she has to share that attention with Mira. Mira on the other hand, will never know what it is like to be the sole recepient of her parents' love. After all, from the time she was born, she'd had to share her parents' love with Ashwini. This means having different rules - to be fair to each of their developmental state. And of course, both of them have issues with nature's law - which cannot be fair in their little eyes. A parent can only continue to explain and hope that as their bond grows and as their relationships with their friends develop, their entired sense of being accepted gets moderated by other lessons in life - outside the home.
A mother cannot choose between her children. Each one is special and shares a unique bond with her. I now have a one-month old son whom I adore (I mean, he's a baby!!!) but I am not surprised that my feelings for my daughters has only strengthened.
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