The Perfect Story - The Perfect Child and Mother.

I can't believe that I post so infrequently. But then, I am so so so busy!!! Really, I am... Sigh.

Then again, I often wonder how other bloggers do it. Actually, the trouble is that I love crafting these entries so much, that I really spend too long on each one (when I finally get down to it, that is) . And for each entry, (if you had read the rest in this blog). you'd realise that I like to share one of my insights in life each time I post. No wonder I take so long to say my piece. I am a hopeless perfectionist, and you know what? So is my Ashwini.

Watching your child grow up is like watching your own growth, both as an individual and as a parent - symbiotically. What do I mean? One or more of your children sometimes inherit in their personalities, the same or echoes of the same strengths and weaknesses that you possess. As a parent, you may not see that clearly and even if you do, there is a tendency to quickly support the strength and help manage that weakness that you also share. And that's the difficult part - because you know how much that weakness has held you back (in your own struggles with growing up), you are anxious to pluck that weakness out of the existence of your 'perfect' child - at any cost. Ha. Ha. Ha. I mean, can one really do that? What does that say about your own sense of self-acceptance? And you can imagine the contagious effect of such an attitude on the anxiety of your 'perfect' child.

The test is always there, in one form or another. Ashwini brought home a CCA option form one day. I was fascinated that P1 students take CCA. My first thought was, 'What fun!'. Ashwini can learn something in her own school and make some friends outside of her class and Seniors at that. When I asked Ashwini about what she thought, she was quick to tell me that she did not want any CCA to do with Performing Arts (she's learning Bharathanatyam at SIFAS on Sundays) or sports (she's learning swimming every Saturday evening at APS school and used to learn gymnastics in preschool). She was also exposed to Speech & Drama.

Finally, she told me - quite decisively - that she would like either Science & Technology Club (which I secretly was not crazy about. Is it really fun?!) or Art Club (Hmm OK, but..) . I listened to her. I must especially with Sreeni giving me that quizzical look in the background. Yes, the well-meaning father and the anxious mother. There's always that natural affliction in the combination which is God's way of taking care of the little ones in our care, I suppose.

The story only just began. When she was finally allotted the CCA (Yes, she was given Science & Technology Club), Ashwini decided that she will not go for CCA. She did not know what it would really entail and she had so many other things to do. She took the first bus home and that gave me a shock. She told me that she had no idea where to go and that she was afraid to ask around for help. I felt my irritation mounting. I was impatient to pluck that sense of reluctance and fear out of her being so that she does not get held back by such inconsequential notions. This was the problem. I was just like Ashwini in my own youth. There was always a fear (of authoritative figures) and shyness holding me back. I was curious and always plagued by the tension between my curiosity and need for affirmation and friendship vs the fear of a bad experience and rejection.

Years of life experience has taught me how to manage my own fears better - not always perfectly. What more do I want from a 6-year-old? It took a lot of thinking and the will to do what she needs and not what I want - with the timely advice from my own mother to give Ashwini space to adjust to her new P1 life at her own pace - which finally brought me to my senses. I talked to Sreeni as well, besides having a few chats with Ashwini herself.

Ashwini and I struck a deal that she can re-consider CCA in P2, but only if she wishes to join the CCA. Ashwini reminded me that CCA is only required from P3 onwards. She agreed that she will - however - continue going for Chinese Enrichment classes on Thursday afternoons (which she was also threatening to drop for reasons of unfamiliarity). I swiftly communicated through the comms book with her FT to give her some encouragement and guidance (something which her FT did carry out). Ashwini attended the first session gingerly and was happy that it was fun. She met other non-Chinese students who were there to learn how to speak some basic Mandarin and the experience lost its sense of mystery.

I was proud of her. She knew her rights and in her little way had put me in my place. This is the life lesson I am currently experiencing - and I hope I learn from it quickly (and yes - perfectly). LOL again!